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My Boyfriend is a Jackass Print E-mail
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Written by Sarah Katherine Lewis   
Thursday, 24 July 2008

I really don't know what i'm going to do. To put it simply i  have never cum unless a man perform[s] oral sex and now that i'm with a man who doesnt do it, it is causing a big problem. Is there something wrong with me ? do other women experience this problem like mine and if so what can I do to fix it?
--My Boyfriend Is A Jackass

Okay, I admit it. You didn't really sign your e-mail "My Boyfriend Is A Jackass." 

I named you that because your man really is a jackass and lady, it's time to trade up.

Before you defend this poor excuse for a weenie-bearer, I want you to take a moment and think about what you do to get ready for sex with your current boyfriend. If you're anything like me and all my vadge-packin' friends, you take a long, hot bath; exfoliate and shave all your nooks and crannies; and moisturize with scented lotion. Once you're clean, smooth, and perfumed, you start your hair and makeup routine, which—just throwing out some numbers here—can take me anywhere from sixty minutes to an hour and a half, depending on whether hot rollers are involved and how many times I have to redo my liquid eyeliner. (After a decade in the sex industry, I'm still an utter failure at getting the black Nike swoops on my upper lash lines symmetrical on the first try.)

My girlfriends and I concur: by the time we're ready for sexin', we've already invested about 3 hours of our precious time—nearly half a day of hard labor—into transforming ourselves into exquisite temptresses made of silk and cream, as intoxicating as fine wine.

So when a man turns out to be a dud, we take it personally. Whether she's a sex worker, a stay-at-home mom, an executive assistant, or a lumberjack, no woman likes being ripped off. Working hard for an implied reward that never comes—in this case, getting all gussied up for hot, satisfying sex and a few toe-curling orgasms, only to be thwarted by a callous lover's ego trip—is no woman's idea of a good time.

So here's where I come back to your inquiry

Is there something wrong with me? do other women experience this problem like mine and if so what can I do to fix it?

No, yes, and dump his ass.

Your boyfriend has cleverly turned his failure in the boudoir into your problem, which is why this letter's from you instead of from the person who actually needs advice (or in this case, a good swift kick in the balls). 


Sarah Katherine Lewis
About the author:

Sarah Katherine Lewis is a ten-year veteran of the adult industry, performing as a stripper, a fetish model, a dominatrix, a stage dancer, a porn star, and a "chakra-balancing spiritual body worker." Her books include "Indecent: How I Make It And Fake It As A Girl For Hire" (Seal Press, 2006) and "Sex and Bacon: Why I Love Things That Are Very, Very Bad For Me" (Seal, 2008).

At the present she's finishing a screenplay based on her first book and chronicling her day-to-day life at http://www.sarahkatherinelewis.com/blog/.

She lives alone in Seattle, sleeps in a walk-in closet, and enjoys baking pies while rocking out to sleaze-metal.







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