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Dear Sarah,

What is CBT? I saw it in an ad for some fetish videos, but the term was never explained. I’m not into kinky stuff, I’m just curious.

--Not Into SM, Just Curious

Dear Not Into SM,

I’m curious as to why you felt the need to tell me you weren’t into "kinky stuff." Are you concerned that you might be intrigued by non-vanilla play? If you’re reading ads for fetish videos, I suspect you may be at least a little interested. And if so, what’s the problem? BDSM (Bondage and Discipline; Sadism and Masochism) is good, clean, all-American fun! A lot of people have enjoyably experimented with "kinky stuff," incorporating it into their regular sexual rotation. Why not you? 

I’m not saying you have to jump into anything you find extreme or disturbing—in fact, please don’t!—but have you ever made love blindfolded, for example? The orgasm you can have when your sense of vision has been taken away can be breathtaking. Or, if you’re feeling frisky, try gently holding your partner’s wrists down to the bed while you’re having intercourse (with your partner’s consent, of course!). These mild activities are both from the BDSM family, though many people would never consider themselves "kinky" for enjoying them. Give yourself permission to experiment, Just Curious! The big secret is, curiosity never killed anyone—not even the cat. Curiosity got a bad rep somewhere, but it’s up to all of us to overcome our fear and make up our own minds about what gets us off.
 
Regarding your question about CBT: the acronym stands for Cock and Ball Torture. Some men enjoy having their genitals stimulated with very strong sensation—even pain. Think about how good it feels to have your nipples gently bitten: the slight pain creates a deeply pleasurable sensation, right? Well, it’s the same thing below the waist. Some men like very intense play; others prefer a much lighter touch.

I like to go very slowly with CBT, adding layer upon layer of sensation, never shocking or surprising my partner with sudden, heavy touch. Clamps are good for CBT, as are thin, cotton ropes for tying his equipment up securely. Some men like to wear ball-stretchers, which look like those Edwardian ruff-type collars veterinarians make dogs wear after surgery. Ball-stretchers attach at the base of the scrotum, and push the wearer’s testicles downwards firmly, so they’re temporarily "stretched."

Some men like to have their cocks or balls play-pierced. Play-piercing—as you can probably guess—involves penetrating the skin with special piercing needles, similar to the kind of needles used by acupuncturists. Sterility, cleanliness, and experience are absolute musts. I have used needles for CBT on occasion, and when done correctly, it can result in euphoria and a soaring sensation for the CBT receiver. Beware, though: you can hurt yourself (and not in a good way) if you don’t know what you’re doing. It’s much better to consult an expert for this kind of play, so buck up the nerve and ask a piercing professional for some guidelines for at-home temporary piercing. Believe me, they've been asked about this before—you're not going to shock them—and any reputable piercer will treat you with respect and discretion.

One last thing about CBT, Just Curious: ever worn a cock-ring? If you have, guess what: cock-rings are a very mild form of CBT. They constrict the blood flow to the penis and result in an appreciably bigger, harder erection. And who doesn't want a bigger, harder unit? Boing! One note about cock-rings, though: emergency room technicians like to trade stories about men who come in for urgent care, shamefacedly admitting they tried to use various O-shaped household implements as cock-rings and got stuck in them. Don't be an emergency room anecdote—buy a toy designated as a cock ring—don't improvise—and have scissors handy if the size isn't adjustable. The stainless steel ones look pretty but are for more advanced cock-ring users, so start off with leather or rubber.

Good luck and have fun checking out a whole new world of "kinky stuff," Just Curious. I'm here for any more questions you may have.