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No response from JelloSalad. I'm relieved ... and disappointed. I know I need to put myself out there. But maybe online dating isn't for me. Maybe I'm a just a little old fashioned.

Unlike my best friend. Grace picked me up yesterday to take me to a Temptations party hosted by one of her friends. On the drive over, Grace filled me in on her date with HotGuy68, "... and then I cuffed him to the four-poster, blindfolded him and took out my love whip..."

“… I saw what you did.” My heart stopped while my mind raced, and then I realized he meant the old Joan Crawford film. Grace had put down that I loved thrillers.

I almost instant messaged him back. Then I got gun shy and just closed out the dialogue box. Wimpy, I know. I decided not to tell Grace. She was too busy quizzing me anyway.

“Susan, anyone else?” Grace asked. “MagicMop and JelloSalad,” I reported as I searched “My Account” for a way to change my user name. “Just so long as it’s not…,” Grace started. “SweetSue,” I finished.

Wascally Wabbit. My teenage daughter owns a vibrator, owned one, actually, before her 46-year-old mother.

I feel so incredibly naïve. I know she’s 18 and legally an adult, but this is so way beyond adult.

I called Grace. When she stopped laughing at me, she pointed out the practical, “Consider the alternatives.” I was still considering the alternatives, when Grace added, “Have you told her how to clean her toy?”

OMG, to borrow a page from Luanne’s text lexicon. How the hell does my daughter know what a vibrator sounds like?

I’m so embarrassed! And I’m pissed off. WHO has Luanne she been hanging out with? Where has her father been? Why didn’t I know? And, more importantly, what don’t I know?