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I’m pretty sure Derek, Meryl’s son, was checking me out at the supermarket the other day. I can’t believe it! He’s got to be 20 years younger than me.

I guess the word is getting out that I’m a divorcee. God, I hate that word.

I liked being married. I liked having someone to take care of. I even thought my sex life was pretty good. Apparently, Billy’s was even better, not that it included me. Truth be told, my best companion these past few years was the jelly rubber dildo he’d brought home to “spice things up a bit.”

I’m still kind of mad that he threw the dildo into the fireplace. That blaze nearly cost us our community property. Who knew it was so flammable? Though come to think of it, that story is one of the best things I got out of my last year with Billy.

Speaking of flames, my face gets hot every time I think of Derek. I guess I’m just not quite ready for all that. Six months isn’t that long.

Grace has been trying to encourage me to get back in the game. When she came over yesterday, she made me look through Match.com. I just couldn’t deal with all those faces. It scared me. Besides, what can you tell about a person from a really bad candid?

Grace handled my little freak out well. She is such a great friend. She just shrugged and said “fine, then.”

Then she opened up another browser window to Adam and Eve. Wow! I couldn’t believe the number and variety of sex toys. It was almost frightening! But, I needed to replace my roasted dildo and finally decided on an Ultra Skin dong with balls   guaranteed to provide a “thick, hard rod to play with – no strings attached.” Sounds perfect! I can’t wait for “Rod” to arrive!

Check here every Saturday to read a new confession from Susan. 

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