I thought bringing “Rod” into the household would introduce fewer problems than say, a real boyfriend. But no. First, there was Zack. When I got home from work, there he was, shaking a package in a brown paper wrapper.
“What’s that?” I asked, dropping my purse on the table. “Another birthday present?”
“I dunno,” he replied. “It has your name on it. What’d you buy me?”
About that time, the package began emitting a low buzzing noise and it suddenly dawned on me what he held in his hands. The heat rose in my face, and I snatched the package out of his hands and raced up the stairs, nearly knocking Luanne over on the landing. By this time, Rod had shifted into high gear. I quickly shut the door, tore open the package and switched him off.
I couldn’t wait to try out my new Excellerator Thrusting Vibe. The box promised 7 inches of in-and-out penetration with additional pulsating vibrations for the deepest orgasm you’ve ever had! But, duty called.
So, I ordered pizza for supper, sped through homework assignments, broke open the flashlight for extra C batteries and was back in my room by 8:00. I tenderly placed Rod on the pillow next to mine while I figured out the thrusting and vibration buttons on the remote. Then, I took him on a test drive.
Talk about truth in advertising! Rod was simply the best I’d ever had, and if I’d found him sooner, I’d have divorced that lying, cheating husband of mine a long time ago. Then, as I lay there recovering from Rod, there was a knock at the door.
“Mom,” Luanne called, “the next time you use that thing, you might want to turn on the radio.”
Check here every Saturday to read a new confession from Susan.
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Confessions of Susan 
