OMG, to borrow a page from Luanne’s text lexicon. How the hell does my daughter know what a vibrator sounds like?
I’m so embarrassed! And I’m pissed off. WHO has Luanne she been hanging out with? Where has her father been? Why didn’t I know? And, more importantly, what don’t I know?
I’ve got to talk to her, but not until I cool off. I called Grace. Big mistake. When she stopped laughing, she asks if Luanne went to Sally’s party out at the Davis farm last weekend. “No,” I said, “she was at her dad’s.”
“Well, word is out that it was an oral sex party,” Grace said.
I was speechless. “You know, a party where the kids pair up and have oral sex,” she continued. “It’s sort of like the Y generation’s version of spin the bottle.”
“That’s not spin the bottle!” I exclaimed. “That’s sex.”
“Not according to President Clinton,” Grace reminded me.
I hung up on Grace and went straight to Luanne’s room. “I need to speak with you,” I said, and the rest comes out in a rush. “We should’ve had this conversation a long time ago…. It’s about sex…. You can’t let anyone pressure you into doing something that makes you feel uncomfortable…. And, about these parties…. Just because you can’t get pregnant doesn’t mean it isn’t sex…. And sex should be about love and caring…. You have to respect yourself enough to wait for the right one, the right time. And, then you’ll need protection. And by the way, you aren’t having…” I stopped to catch my breath.
“Mom, I’m not,” Luanne said quickly. “And, I know all about that stuff.”
“Oh, thank God.” Then my knees got weak, and I sank down next to her on the bed. Then I came right out and asked her. How did she know what a … I struggled to say the word to my daughter … what a vibrator sounded like.
“I saw it on Sex and the City,” she said.
I breathed a sign of relief until she continued, “and, then I went online and bought a…”
Check here every Saturday to read a new confession from Susan.
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Confessions of Susan 
