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Confessions of Susan

Confessions of Susan - Entry 4

Written by Susan A.

Saturday, 28 July 2007

Wascally Wabbit. My teenage daughter owns a vibrator, owned one, actually, before her 46-year-old mother.

I feel so incredibly naïve. I know she’s 18 and legally an adult, but this is so way beyond adult.

I called Grace. When she stopped laughing at me, she pointed out the practical, “Consider the alternatives.” I was still considering the alternatives, when Grace added, “Have you told her how to clean her toy?”

“Whaaaat???” I stammered.

“Nevermind,” Grace said, “I’ll tell you all about it later, but right now I need to tell you about your three-month subscription to Match.com. Yes, I’ve signed you up. No, don’t thank me.”

I tried to explain to her I wasn’t ready for all that. As usual, Grace ignored me. So guess what user name she gave me? SweetSensation69. My password is unouwantit. I am seeking men from 25 to 45.

By that point, I was starting to hypervertilate. I grabbed my computer and signed in.

“Wait, there’s more,” Grace said. “For turn-ons I listed: candlelight, dancing, erotica, money, skinny dipping, tattoos and piercings.”

“Tattoos and piercings? Grace, ewww,” I said. Then I started reading the stuff she wrote in my profile—things I never knew—like how tall and thin I am.

“Grace, I haven’t weighed that little since high school and I was never that tall, and wow, I already have three messages.”

“Great,” Grace said, “who’re they from?”

“BigSnake, FreeWilly and SlowHand,” I reported, “and I am changing my username right now.” But, just then another matcher instant messaged me. “I know who you are…”

Check here every Saturday to read a new confession from Susan.

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