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Confessions of Susan Confessions of Susan - Entry 6
Confessions of Susan Confessions of Susan - Entry 6
| Confessions of Susan - Entry 6 |
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| Written by Susan A. | |
| Monday, 13 August 2007 | |
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No response from JelloSalad. I'm relieved ... and disappointed. I know I need to put myself out there. But maybe online dating isn't for me. Maybe I'm a just a little old fashioned. Unlike my best friend. Grace picked me up yesterday to take me to a Temptations party hosted by one of her friends. On the drive over, Grace filled me in on her date with HotGuy68, "... and then I cuffed him to the four-poster, blindfolded him and took out my love whip..." “Grace,” I protested, “TMI. After a first date like that, is there anything left to look forward to?” “Well, he’s got this room in the basement…” she began. I was almost sorry I asked. Sometimes her wild adventures make my lack thereof feel lame. Thankfully, we arrived at the party and the conversation got cut off. Lara, a sweet grandmotherly type, answered the door. I was surprised to see several generations of women gathered in the living room passing around Ultimate BJ Drops and a Glow-in-the-Dark Clone a Willy kit the way our mothers probably passed the latest Tupperware products. It was only the beginning. Before the night was over, I had fondled a Champagne Jelly Dong, a Cock Rocker and a Pink Prisoner Kit. The discussion was open, frank and sometimes downright hilarious, but I was glad that ordering was private. “I saw how you stared at that Blue Dolphin Vibe so long and lovingly,” Grace said on the way home, trying to tease me into confessing my purchases. “What about you? Was there anything in the catalog you don’t already own?” I asked. “Not really,” Grace said, “but I have to replace the old ones pretty often.” “Do they wear out that quickly?” “Oh, no. Just, you know, new toys for new boys. But speaking of old boys,” she said, starting to laugh. “You will never guess who I was talking to!” Ok, I always knew this was a small town. But guess who was asking Grace for sex toy advice? Billy’s new girlfriend! And guess what she was asking Grace about? Penis extenders! My ex has an eensy weenie! I fell back in my seat laughing. “I want details,” I shouted with glee. “Well, she was looking at the Cyberskin Penis Extension,” Grace said. “It’s a kit of three different heads. The skin feels like the real deal, and they’re great even for normal-size guys.” “Did she buy them?” “No,” Grace said. “She was also considering the Enlarger Cage w/ G-Spot. It’s like a sheath with a solid extender on top. The sheath is a little tight unless the penis is relatively thin…” “So, she didn’t think that would work?” “No, she thought it would.” I started laughing once again and had to plead with prayerful hands for her to tell me what the final decision was. “She went with the 4” Latex Extension,” Grace replied. “It adds the most length and girth, and has a pillow inside to help a guy last longer.” I exploded. I know it’s not nice to laugh at others, but after all Billy put me through I think I’m entitled. The question is: How am I going to keep a straight face when he comes to pick up the kids this weekend?
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