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Home arrow Self Love arrow Beginner’s Guide to Positions
Beginner’s Guide to Positions Print E-mail
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Written by Nikki Daly   
Thursday, 28 August 2008

 No one is a born expert when it comes to lovemaking. And it’s just as well because what works for one partner won’t necessarily work for the next. There is a first time with a new lover that makes us all feel like beginners again.

There are also degrees of intimacy. A woman who loves oral sex may feel violated by a new man who dives between her legs the first time they’re in bed together. A man, who enjoys anal play, may be put off by a woman who goes there before they’ve even had intercourse. Intimacy is not a performance. It is something that develops over time.     

So whether you are new to sex or you are finding your groove again after a period of abstinence or the end of a long-term relationship, you are not alone in wondering how to begin (or begin again). Your best bet is to start with a few basics. Build your confidence and your partner’s trust, then before moving on to something new, ask.

Missionary

Legend has it that early European missionaries were shocked to discover that natives often assumed animal-like positions when having sex. They declared that only the couple-facing/man-on-top position was acceptable before the Lord.

But even putting aside religious convictions, research reveals that the missionary position is a common position in most parts of the world (and for good reason).

In the missionary position, the woman lies on her back, legs spread apart. The man faces her and lies on top. It’s a great position for continuing to talk with your partner. You can maintain eye contact, which gives you important nonverbal cues about how he or she is feeling about what you’re doing and whether you should slow down or race to the finish. Your hands are free to caress each other. You can use your mouth and tongue to stimulate your partner’s body. You can kiss.

The same is true if the woman is on top, and this is especially beneficial if the man’s penis is large and difficult for her to accommodate initially. It allows her to control penetration and increase clitoral stimulation. If you begin man on top and want to switch, stretch your legs out, lock ankles and roll. Sometimes it works; sometimes it’s good for a laugh.

Here are a few simple variations:

  • The woman closes her legs tightly and the man on top spreads his.
  • The man lies on his back with the woman rolled slightly to the side so that her pelvis is atop his, but her weight is beside him. 
  • The woman lies on her back, with one bent leg resting on the bed between her waist and shoulder height. The man straddles her straight leg and adjusts her bent leg to increase clitoral contact.


Spooning

This position takes a cuddle to the next level. Partners lie on their sides. The man lies behind the woman who is facing away. He wraps his arms around her and penetrates from behind. It’s a variation of “doggy” style, but avoids the more revealing rear-in-the-air aspect of the position. It has the added benefit of freeing the man’s hands to stimulate his partner’s breasts and clitoris. Clitoral stimulation is important because her clitoris won’t come into contact with any other body part in a rear-entry position. This is a great first-thing-in-the-morning position if you wake up hungry for some action but too tired to brush your teeth.

Variations:

  • The woman lies face down, legs spread. Her partner then lies on top of her. Placement of a pillow beneath her hips can increase stimulation in this position.
  • The woman lies face down, knees together, ankles crossed, legs pressed tightly together. The man lies on top with spread legs. The effect is a longer, tighter vagina. 
  • The woman lies on her side with her upper leg extended forward. The man kneels astride her lower leg.


Seated

This position may be a natural if nature takes its course before you make it back from the movies. The man sits in a chair. His partner faces and straddles him, feet on the floor. Seated positions can be performed in theater seats, cars and the living room. So, if things are heating up, consider finishing what you’ve started without a break in the action to drive home or move to the bedroom.

Variations:

  • The man sits on a couch or in a chair. The woman sits in his lap sideways.
  • The woman faces the man and squats or kneels atop him while he is seated on a bench or chair. She may put one foot on the floor for additional control.
  • The man lies on his back. The woman sits atop him either facing him or facing away. These are also known as the cowgirl or reverse cowgirl positions.

Nikki Daly
About the author:
Nikki Daly is a former newspaper reporter and magazine editor with more than 40 local, state and national awards for her articles and columns. A bit of a moving target, she began her career as a sports reporter, moved on to news and was editor of her hometown’s Charleston Magazine by the time she was 27. She loves travel and has written chapters on her favorite places for various guidebooks. Favorite trips have included Kenya, Africa, France, Ireland and Scotland. Her freelancing leaves her footloose and fancy free, which is just the way she likes it. Nikki has been working on several marketing projects for clients recently and as a translator/editor. Her latest translation was a French novel about the Belgian Congo. Nikki is single and dating.




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