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“Can you … um do that …um .. thing again?
“What thing?”
“Ummm … you know, that thing … um … kind of … down there.”

This was once me. Forget dirty talk. I found it difficult to talk about anything related to sex. It was like when the teacher made you read a note to a friend out loud to classroom full of laughing kids. Every word had to be choked out. It was humiliating.

Since the early days in our marriage, my husband and I have introduced lots of innovations to our sex life. Sex toys. Role-playing. New positions and acts. But nothing has improved my sex life more than my learning how to say what I want.

Getting to the point where I could unashamedly ask for my heart’s desire was not an overnight thing. There was no magic bullet. I had to overcome lots of inhibitions that were ingrained in me from an early age.

My husband had a great idea that got me started. We each wrote down a few secret fantasies on small pieces of paper. At night, we’d pick one out at random. This led to some very hot sessions, and … suddenly, I was communicating. And I didn’t have to say anything!

From there, and with practice, I slowly got better at asking for what I wanted. I went from blushing whispers to soft requests to excited demands. It was exhilarating to finally be able to say all the things I had been suppressing. Then maybe, probably predictably, I got a little too cocky. The result?

“I suck in bed,” my husband groaned.
“What!? No way!” I sputtered.
“I can never get it right.”

Whoa! This wasn’t what I intended. I had to do a lot of sweet talk to get out of that one. But lesson learned—there is a balance between communicating and making your partner feel like crap.

In fact, by getting comfortable talking during sex, I found I could make my husband feel very, very good indeed. I started to tell him, in some very explicit terms, just what exactly I did like. Now those were sweet words to his ears.

And to mine. Could this really be me doing … gulp … dirty talk? Wow, I even turned myself on. Hot, sexy, uninhibited me!