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How to Talk Dirty—Oh … Baby … Yeah

Do you suddenly find that you’d rather be discussing your taxes than what you are about to do to his body parts (or want done to yours)—let alone making it sound sexy? Are you trying to hold back an embarrassing urge to burst into a fit of girlish giggles? Would you rather “show” than “tell?”

If so, you are not alone. For many, sex is a non-verbal affair. According to an Elle/MSNBC.com Sex and Love Survey, only four in 10 respondents said they have asked their lovers for something in bed in the past month.

If you and your partner aren’t yet comfortable communicating during sex, you might have a hard time jumping into the world of dirty talk. So the first thing to do is to learn how to verbalize in bed.

Start with one sentence. It could be as simple as letting him or her know how much he turns you on. You don’t have to get into the specifics yet. A simple “that feels sooo good” can go a long way. And by the way “dirty talk” doesn’t have to be “dirty.” (Though it certainly can be if you like it that way.)  Hot talk is simply sexual communications turned up a notch. It incorporates aural stimulation into the sex, which can be a major turn-on—if it’s within your comfort zone.

A little out-of-bedroom hot talk can help pave the way. Try leaving a sexy note telling your partner what you’d like to do to him when you hit the sheets that night. My husband and I sometimes enjoy some sexy Instant Messaging to get our engines revving. For many, it’s easier to express yourself in writing rather than face to face.

But don’t neglect the bedroom. Start verbalizing your desires. Don’t expect your partner to guess what you want. Tell him. If you want oral, ask for it. If you want it harder, softer, faster, slower, speak up. The beauty is that the more you talk, the easier it will flow. Then you can start to get a little saucy.
One of the keys to mastering dirty talk is to find a vocabulary that works for you. Some words probably make you hot while others leave you cold (or giggling). So what sexy words get your juices flowing? Ask you partner to share some of his preferred vocabulary (and what NOT to say). This conversation alone can get you off and running.

But if you are still at a loss what to say, try simply describing what’s happening and how you feel about it.  “Now I’m going to kiss/lick/suck/stroke your ______” or  “Mmmm, I love it when you _____.”

The more you practice, the more comfortable you will become. And new doors will likely open up. Who knows what may happen once you start whispering your little secrets in your partner’s ear? Role playing, or sharing fantasies, is an extension of hot talk that can deepen your intimate connection—and make life a whole lot more interesting between the sheets.