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Guys, let me fill you in on a little secret: Many women love to be teased.

I don’t mean we like to be made fun of (c’mon, we hate that!). I’m talking about turning us on and then holding us off.

I know. I know. You might just hate being teased yourself. When you want it, you want it. But for women, the anticipation is not only hot in and of itself, but it can lead to a mind-blowing climax.

So there are essentially two kinds of teasing. First, there’s the kind you do out of bed. This is all about building up the anticipation. So try this: in the morning, make her a cup of coffee, (extra sweet), and whisper in her ear that you have some very hot plans for her that evening. When she presses you for more details, shake your head, give her a sexy smile and reel her in for a lingering kiss. Tell her you can’t wait to be alone with her tonight.

Then, around mid-day, send her an e-mail or an instant message. Let her know you are getting turned on as you think about how sexy she is and about all the naughty things you are going to do to her that night. Don’t be too explicit. Let her imagination run wild.

When you finally have her to yourself, the fun can really start. You might want to start her off with a glass of good wine and a neck, shoulder and back massage. This will send her a message: Tonight, it is all about you.

Then, once you have her totally relaxed, it’s time to wind her back up again. At the heart of teasing is this: you bring her to the brink of orgasm — then stop. She may protest. She may get a bit irritated. The trick is to switch gears quickly. Don’t let her dwell on the frustration. Just downshift the action a notch. For example, if you are going down on her, suddenly turn your attention to her inner thighs. If you are using a vibrator, switch off to a bit of nipple stimulation.

There’s an art to this kind of play. It’s not for novice lovers or for new relationships — you need to be able to read her signs to know when she’s hovering on the brink of the big O. You also need to be able to tell if she’s enjoying it. Do listen to her words and do watch her body language. If she is getting upset with you, either you are overdoing it or she is simply not the kind of woman who is going to get into this type of play. If this is the case, cut to the chase and give her what she wants.

Also understand, there should be nothing mean-spirited about the teasing. You aren’t getting revenge for all the girls who gave you blue balls in your teenage years. No, you are lovingly leading her down a road to an orgasm (or, hopefully, orgasms) that she will never forget.

If all is going well and she is responding positively to your ministrations, consider taking the power play aspect to the teasing to the next level. Tie up her hands or blindfold her. If she’s into it (again, pay close attention to how she’s responding), a restraint will heighten her excitement because it puts here entirely at your mercy. Then make her writhe. Use your hands, your mouth, a toy, whatever it takes to make her squirm.

When you feel like you have brought her to the height of anticipation, it’s time to finish the job. Finger, tongue or vibrate her to a screaming orgasm. Do it again. And again.

You’ve rocked her world. And, now, at last, it’s your turn. Go for it, cowboy. But don’t be surprised if the sex doesn’t last long. You’re likely to be pretty excited yourself. Don’t worry — she won’t complain. In fact, if you’ve mastered this technique, she likely will not have any complaints about you for a long, long time.