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Guys, stop reading here. You already know how to give a good hand job. Most of you have been giving yourselves hand jobs since you first sprouted pubes, and some of you have gone on to trade advanced techniques with special friends. That's awesome —but like chick flicks, Luna Bars, and Rabbit vibrators, this one's for the ladies.

So a good hand job involves three things: lubrication, friction, and rhythm. Guys aren't that different from girls—they just have more square inches of skin to work with. Think of his penis as a giant clit, and you're halfway there! 

Start by making sure you have a pump-top bottle of lube or lotion within easy reach. Nothing stops a hand job cold like having to go into the other room to search for more Astroglide when your partner's almost ready to blast off. Guys appreciate unscented stuff—so ladies, save the flowery hand lotion for yourself and go with plain-jane unflavored lube for him. Keep the entire theatre of operations slippery, from his balls to the tip of his johnson, and remember to add more from the pump-top bottle if the lube starts getting sticky.

The number-one hand job complaint I've heard from my male friends is that women tend to use too light a stroke. Men aren't fragile and most of them like strong sensation, so massage firmly, as if you're rubbing his bicep. If you have enough lube, the pressure of your hand wrapped around his business will feel wonderful—so squeeze it like a roll of cookie dough, and work it like Play-Doh. Remember, most guys have been whacking off since childhood—they're used to their own strong, manly grip.

Experiment with making an O with the thumb and forefinger of one hand and using that to constrict the base of his penis, then using your other hand to stroke up and down. Voila—you've just made your very own flesh cock-ring! Or use one hand to play with his balls, and use the other hand to stroke. Either way, he'll definitely appreciate a two-handed approach.

The final part of the hand job is rhythm. Find one, and stick to it. Up, down, up, down, up down; repeat until done. Penises are simple creatures: don't confuse them with fancy moves. Just like us, dudes need a rhythm they can count on. Instead of varying your tempo drastically, try varying your pressure—or try concentrating on the sensitive tip, right under the head where the little web of skin is. But don't stop and start, or switch abruptly from super-slow to super-fast: steady gets the job done, with (perhaps) a little more speed and pressure at the very end.

Speaking of the end: like peanut butter and chocolate, most breast-loving guys consider tits and a hand job to be the two great tastes that taste great together. Most dudes sincerely appreciate the opportunity to present you with a pearl necklace as a reward for a (hand) job well done, so if you're game, allow him to finish between your breasts. For extra points, make sensual eye contact with him while rubbing his man-batter into your skin. Porno chicks do this and it drives guys nuts (and you can always discreetly towel off later).