 For a surefire lively debate, ask your gay buddies what they think of open relationships and threesomes the next time you’re all sitting around at brunch. You’ll get responses as diverse as the people around you, and as varied as the brunch selections before you.
There are some who will promote the more “traditional” response which is, quite simply, “Hell no, never ever.” Ask them why. You’ll get some who defend traditional coupling, where the notion of inviting a third party into the bedroom, or allowing their lover to sleep around, is just wrong or nasty.
This prompts exploration. What are they scared of? Are they really that committed to the idea of monogamous love? Or are they afraid of what an open relationship would do their ego or sense of security? Why do they consider “traditional” relationships, when gays and lesbians defy tradition and should be making their own rules? Or maybe the one they have is everything they could want and need. The possibilities are endless. It’s interesting to see who, amongst the naysayers, has experienced a threesome or an open relationship, and who has determined their position without ever giving it a try.
Then there are those that promote the open relationship. Some will say that monogamy is simply unnatural and that human nature determines our need to explore multiple sexual partners. There are some couples who agree on this topic 100 percent, who love each other above all else, and simply play around with other people to keep their love life fresh and exciting. And, truthfully, there are guys who want and need sex twice as much as the next guy, and their partner more than understands.
There are also couples who explore threesomes merely because one partner is feeling as though they are losing hold of the other, and desperate times call for desperate measures. “He’s looking to explore sexually,” he may think to himself. “I might as well let him do so and be part of the experience with him.” Often times, going against your own beliefs and defying your own comfort level can yield detrimental results. Attention and affection is displaced, feelings become hurt, and the amount of fights and arguments increase instead of decrease. Let me tell you, as a single guy, the occasional threesome or group sex encounter is very exciting and very hot. But when in a committed relationship with someone, and it’s time to consider whether or not to allow a guest star, the decision can be a rough one.
Sometimes, people will enter a relationship feeling one way about this matter, and find themselves changing their mind as time runs its course. If you do choose to explore the world of group sex or open relationships, be sure to proceed with caution. It’s wise to follow a few important rules.
- If you are considering the idea of sharing your lover, make sure that you’re not doing so to save your relationship. You may not be saving anything at all.
- Establish guidelines and rules. Openly discuss your boundaries and come to an agreement on what will work for you both. How do you pick your partners? Will you consider sleeping with friends? Will there be further contact after the sex? Is kissing allowed? Do you both have to be present? Is anal sex allowed ? These are all great questions to ask each other to come to your agreement.
- Fantasize. Keep things exciting and surreal by incorporating a bit of fantasy into the experience. Otherwise, you run the same risk of routine that got you here in the first place.
- Have fun. Sure, the taboo factor can add quite a thrill, but don’t allow yourself to be overcome with feelings of guilt or angst. That’s not too erotic, now is it?
It’s really all about the relationship and how experimental you feel with each other. To say one way is right or wrong is defeating our ability to make our own choices and create our own traditions. Much like that omelet you just had made to order, one day you may decide to stray from your usual fillings and give something new a try. Nobody should fault you for that.
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