dailysexscoop.com

It's fair to say I date frequently. Why not? I'm single, childless, and self-employed. I've got a lot of time on my hands and an uncertain income. At the end of the month when my bills are due, dating only makes sense. Who wants to eat Top Ramen alone in front of the TV when you can enjoy an expensive restaurant meal with someone dying to see you naked?

But dating a lot doesn't mean I'm having sex a lot. I've gotten choosier as I've gotten older, and I don't like surprises: if I'm going to fool around with a date, I want to make damn sure he's going to be a good time in the sack before I step out of my knickers. To that end, I've devised an easy, risk-free way to predict my dates' bangability. They say the way to a man's heart is through his stomach, but if you want to know what turns his crank in the boudoir, just peek into his fridge and refer to this handy guide.

Scan the contents. Do you see a lot of leftover fast food? Beware: he's into Internet porn. He likes it fast, nasty, and on-demand. But a guy used to the fake stuff isn't likely to care about the physical needs of a real woman. Make sure he gets you off first (and that he doesn't have a webcam).

Does his fridge feature a lot of condiments and beer, but no real food? This guy's either a frat boy or he's looking for a mommy, and either way, he'll gratefully rock your world in exchange for a home-cooked meal. These boyish men definitely have their appeal (and some of them are surprisingly naughty in bed), but watch out for the guy who falls in love with you because your meatloaf reminds him of his grandmother's secret recipe. Ew.

Is his icebox full of batteries and film? Congratulations—he's sexually experimental.  Bust out your toys, a pair of handcuffs, and your filthiest lingerie. Consider dressing up and posing for scandalous Polaroids (just remember to take them with you afterward, supervixen). Use your vibrator as much as you like—he'll gladly replace the batteries from his stockpile.

Peering into his fridge, you notice fresh produce and whole grains. But where's the beef? You may have stumbled into the lair of a vegetarian (or even a vegan). If he's getting enough protein to get the job done right, you're in for a treat: vegetarian spunk is legendarily tasty. Just make sure his strict diet also includes seafood, if you know what I mean—you want an enthusiastic vadge-etarian, not someone morally opposed to eating anything with a face.

Finally, inhale. Does his fridge have a clean, fresh aroma? Is there an open box of baking soda in there to sop up smells? This guy's junk is going to be clean, neatly trimmed, and good-smelling. He may prefer you waxed bare. Regardless of his pubic preference, a neat freak can be a joy in the sack as long as he doesn't get too prissy about the body fluids and unfortunate noises that are sometimes a by-product of enthusiastic sex. If you're feeling kinky, suggest doing it on a plastic tarp to protect his sheets. 

A funky fridge doesn't always mean the guy's going to have inch-long toenails, bad breath, and balls that smell like they've been dipped in bleu cheese dressing. He could be a spontaneous, romantic, artist, far too passionate to spend his time on mundane household chores! If this is the case, enjoy the whirlwind of his courtship. Picnic on strawberries and champagne under the stars and forget about the moldy fruit in his fridge. Remember, you're his muse, not his maid.

One last, very important note: if his fridge contains boxes of Godiva chocolates, bottles of fine white wine, well-marbled cuts of organic grain-fed beef, farm-fresh butter and cream, and several varieties of imported gourmet delicacies, leave his apartment immediately and contact me as soon as possible ( This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it ), because this man is my future husband. (I am, of course, willing to negotiate a finder's fee.) 

Hey—I love dating, but a girl's gotta avoid freezer burn-out.