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After a year of dating, Beau and I have our bedroom routine down to a science: We know what works and we get right to it. Such are the rewards of a long-term intimate relationship—what's lost in spontaneity is gained in companionable, quid pro quo efficiency.

But if 2007 was all about cozy, monogamous comfort-sex, I hereby proclaim 2008 to be the year that Beau and I let our inner freaks come out to play. With Beau's willing participation, and a little creativity on my part, 2008 will be the year our lovemaking goes from predictable to breathtakingly passionate. To that end, I've drafted a list of sensual resolutions for the New Year—a  whole calendar year of planned depravity to chase the bedroom blahs away.

January:  Baby, it's cold outside! This month, I resolve to sleep naked. No T-shirts, no granny panties, nothing but a heaped-up mound of quilts and pure, raw body heat to keep us warm. Best of all, naked spooning is the perfect segue between snuggling and intercourse. The parts are already lined up—all you have to do is wriggle!

February:  In the Pacific Northwest, February is a short, brutal month full of icy rain. This month I resolve to stave off the chill by taking a hot bath with my sweetie and carefully washing every inch of him with a soft cloth and sweet-smelling soap. A water-proof vibrator will be my reward for a job well done—he can shave me clean, then watch me get dirty. 

March:  This month I resolve to march right into the costume store and buy myself a brand new sexy outfit. How long has it been since I've dressed up as a cheerleader, a nurse, a French maid, or a saucy cop in knee-high boots? Once I'm all dressed up in my tarty new ensemble, I'll seduce Beau like a stranger. Time to try some freaky stuff—I do believe the cop outfit comes with handcuffs. Up against the wall, indeed.

April:  Tax month—Beau's going to need some serious distraction, and I have several cute, horny girlfriends who've volunteered for a lusty three-way romp. This Spring I resolve to bring a gorgeous brunette into our bedroom for a little wholesome girl-on-girl action. Beau can either watch or join in. Either way, I know Spring'll be busting out all over.

May:  May can sometimes feel schizophrenic: days of balmy weather alternate with vicious rain and ice. This May, I resolve to get a completely bare front-to-back bikini wax. It won't change the chaotic weather, but at least I'll be all ready for warmer temperatures. I also resolve to throw away all my old, boring cotton panties and to replace them with sweet little lacy thongs and see-through briefs. Goodbye, Winter!

June:  I resolve that in June, barring lockjaw, I will give Beau thirty blowjobs in thirty days.

July:  This July, I resolve to take Beau on a day-hike up Mount Rainier. Once we're in a secluded spot, I'll take off everything but my hiking boots and beg him to slip me his granola bar.

August:  The dog days of Summer are upon us—the days are long, hot, and stagnant. I resolve to beat the sticky heat by going topless as often as possible, and by wearing my hair off my neck in two pigtails. Hey, it may not make me any cooler, but at least I'll look cute while I suck on a Popsicle.

September:  To celebrate Back-To-School season, I resolve to dress up in a short plaid kilt, a white button-down shirt, knee socks, and sturdy shoes. Since even schoolgirls with the best of intentions are often naughty, I plan to drape myself across Beau's lap and beg him for spankings throughout the month of September. A new leather paddle will ensure that my bottom is properly warmed. Spare the rod, spoil the schoolgirl.

October:  Trick or treat! Why not both? This month I resolve to don my witchiest fetish garb—shiny stiletto heels, a tightly-laced corset, and long satin gloves—and call every shot in the bedroom as an imperious queen bitch. I'll tell Beau exactly what to do to please me and if he's good, he may even get a treat—a  teasing caress from my gloved hand. If he's naughty, I'll punish him by slipping a mask over his eyes. Either way, a few tugs on a leashed cock-ring will make sure he's always standing at respectful attention.

November:  November is a month of thanksgiving. This month I resolve to buy a big bottle of lube so Beau can stuff my turkey properly all month long.

December:  Naughty or nice, sometimes it's easy to forget how hot a good old-fashioned make-out session can be! This December I will take time to sit in front of the fireplace with my man and kiss him once for every hot, nasty month of 2008.

Happy New Year! Here's to 2008 being a year of sultry romance and mind-blowing sex for all of us!