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Sex may be as old as the beginning of civilization, but the idea of studying best practices in a classroom was something altogether new to me. The homework assignments, however, sure beat Trig worksheets.

So here’s how I got introduced to tantric sex: I was at a friend’s house who, as avid participants in a tantric sex program, were screening an instructional video on the big screen in their living room. Yes, that was their “homework.”

So I rounded the corner and there I was—face to face with a close-up of a pudendum about four feet wide. The woman’s partner was massaging everything but IT. I felt so frustrated for the woman splayed on the wall above my friend’s fireplace.

At this moment, tantric sex proponents everywhere are groaning—no, not that kind of groaning—because as they like to say to the uninitiated, “There’s more to sex than orgasm.”
Apparently, there has been for a long time. The term “tantric sex” comes from the Sanskrit “tantra,” which means to expand and liberate. The first books of tantrism were written as far back as the 7th century A.D. While a goal of tantric sex is to achieve a sacred union, it can also be practiced solo. And, there are three ways to experience tantra—meditation, yoga and massage—all intended to bring balance to body, mind and spirit.

Tantric practitioners’ meditation begins much like all meditation, with long, slow, deliberate breaths. If you’re with a partner, this is done facing each other, fully clothed or nude, holding hands and gazing into each others’ eyes. Tantric yoga is designed to arouse, sustain and channel energy through sexual arousal. Tantric massage is intended to activate, circulate and increase sexual energy in a warm, relaxing and nurturing atmosphere where the therapist touches the client in ways to bring about orgasm—albeit very slowly in sessions that last for hours.
This is all nothing new for rock superstar Sting, an avid proponent of tantric sex. In addition to other feats of athleticism, such as tightrope walking in his garden, Sting says he practices tantric sex for hours at a time with his wife.  

In this practice, lovemaking is a conscious act, with deliberate preparation, attention to a partner’s needs and a complete suspension of time. Couples, like my friends, often set aside a special room for tantric sex, filled with candles, incense, silky pillows and throws. The preferred position for intercourse is one in which the man sits cross legged and the woman sits with her legs wrapped around his waist, so that they are face to face. 

Tantric sex is credited with curing disease and sexual dysfunction, creating a sense of wellbeing in all aspects of a practitioner’s life and restoring positive energy by unblocking vital chakras. In Eastern medicine, it is essential for good health to keep energy flowing through seven main energy fields in the body at points along the spine: crown, brow, throat, heart, solar plexus, sacral and root—also a goal of tantric sex.  

Taoist masters have long believed that tantric sex cures ailments and sexual dysfunction.  Many women say they simply don’t get what they need through all-too-brief foreplay or intercourse to achieve orgasm. Many men are plagued by either premature ejaculation or difficulty achieving an erection. Prolonged periods of intimate play in which those very things are not the focus, in which the emotional connection with a partner and sense of well being is permitted to be an end to itself, can have a profound impact on intercourse when it does happen. And, orgasm, through research, has been shown to boost the immune system, providing healing properties for other complaints as well.

Tantric teachers often report that students who practice tantric sex become more positive and self assured in their work and relationships with others, and overcome difficulties with depression and low libidos that affected their feelings of self worth and confidence. Well said, but I think Marvin Gaye said it best in this hit from the 1980s:

And when I get that feeling
I want Sexual Healing…
Sexual Healing, oh baby
Makes me feel so fine
Helps to relieve my mind
Sexual Healing baby, is good for me…
Whenever blue tear drops are falling
And my emotional stability is leaving me
There is something I can do…
The love you give to me will free me
If you don't know the things you're dealing
I can tell you, darling, that it's Sexual Healing…