


| The Tender Trap: How To Avoid Being Just Friends |
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| Written by Sarah Katherine Lewis | |
| Saturday, 26 January 2008 | |
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My friend Dan is well-groomed, professional, and genuinely funny. He's also never been on a date in his entire life. Sure, he "hangs out" with his female friends—I'm one of them. But when it comes to turning a hang-out into a hook-up, Dan just can't seem to seal the deal. What gives? Is it true that most women prefer jerks, and nice guys always finish last? Well, kind of. It's not that we like guys who treat us like pieces of pork tenderloin—sleazy comments about our cup size or our presumed skill in the sack are always out of bounds. But we also don't appreciate it when all our efforts at looking good are ignored. And in my experience, the guys we tend to think of as “just friends” are also the guys who treat us “just like a friend.” So if you’re a guy who falls into the Just-Friends trap, here’s a tip: "Wow—you look beautiful" is much more effective than "Wow—did you catch the game last night?" You might think that telling a hot woman she's hot is merely stating the obvious, but believe me—no matter how confident we may appear, we're going to assume you're not into us unless you specifically tell us otherwise. So let your attraction show (but keep your compliments PG-rated). Once we can relax and bask in your admiration, you magically become smarter, funnier, richer, and sexier. Don't let the ball drop: when you've got us feeling good, use that momentum to ask for a phone number. And don't let the conversation drag on and on—a little mystery can be very intriguing. Save the story about winning the third grade spelling bee for your first date. Dan, for one, is learning how to steer clear of the Just-Friends trap. He's even taking a wine appreciation class to meet women. His confidence is definitely growing: the last time we hung out, he told me I looked "robust and full-bodied." Hey, it's a start! | |
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A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me and she said 'no.' |