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| Celebrate the Adult History of America |
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| Written by Webmaster | |
| Thursday, 05 July 2007 | |
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As any devoted historian will tell you, there are certain aspects of America’s past that just aren’t suitable for school children. So this July 4th, we’ve stopped pulling punches and pulled the truth out of the closest to feature the untold adult stories of American history. 1776 - George Washington leads his army across the freezing Delaware River and launches a surprise attack on British and German forces in Trenton, leading to a much-needed victory. While in town, Washington also picks up the latest issue of PlayGentlemen in which milk maid Mary of East Sussex bares her comely ankles in a most daring fashion. 1814 – The British invade Washington, D.C. and hold an impromptu BBQ in the White House. First Lady Dolly Madison manages to escape with a portrait of George Washington and John-John, her favorite dildo. 1848 – A very drunk Abraham Lincoln sneaks into the wrong bed and creates the basis for today’s Log Cabin Republicans. 1876 – Alexander Graham Bell invents the telephone. Shortly thereafter, 1-800-SEX opens for the first time. 1890 – As electricity becomes more common, husbands start begging wives to leave the lights on for just this one time. 1902 – Theodore Roosevelt refuses to kill a hurt bear, paving the way for the development of the teddy bear and the furry movement. 1918 – The world celebrates as World War I finally comes to an end, and Europe runs out of champagne and condoms for the first time in recorded history. 1927 – Charles Lindbergh becomes the first pilot to fly across the Atlantic non-stop. Six months later, Mark Winecastle becomes the first pilot to fly across the Atlantic non-stop while getting a blowjxx. 1938 – Countless people listen to Orson Welles’ broadcast “War of the Worlds” and believe that Martians really are invading Earth and have “the world’s gonna end tonight” sex. Nine months later, a baby boom ensues. 1954 – The Supreme Court rules against the “separate but equal” justification for segregation in Brown vs. Board of Education, helping jump start the Civil Rights Movement, integration and interracial videos. 1960 – After being elected president, John F. Kennedy immediately begins drawing up plans to the White House into a swinging bachelor’s pad fit to rival the growing Playboy mansion. Additions include the mirrored Marilyn Monroe suite with rotating bed and the Intern dungeon with whips and chains. 1972 – While reciting the plot of an adult movie he watched last night, President Nixon unwittingly creates a “Plumbers’ Unit” and orders them to break into the Democratic National Committee office in the Watergate Hotel. Later that night, the Plumbers’ Unit also delivers pizzas to a large number of lonely coeds and interns. 1987 – President Ronald Reagan takes the Cold War to a new level when he calls a male escort service and requests a date for Soviet leader Michael Gorbachev. 1992-2001 – President Clinton. 2007 – As tension mounts between Democratic presidential hopefuls Hillary Clinton and Barrack Obama, adult movie execs cross their fingers and hope the two don’t release a sex tape.            |
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