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My good friend, let’s call him David, was recently griping to me over the phone about his dating life. He is 37 years old, smart, funny, and adorable, and ready to find his soul mate. But the women of New York City, he says, are a tough crowd.

One of the stickiest parts of the first date, David says, is the moment when the check for a meal hits the table. He is willing to pay for the meal. In fact, he fully expects to do so. What turns him off is when the bill arrives (or is about to arrive) and his date excuses herself to disappear in the restroom. It happens, he says, more often than not. He understands why she does this. It's awkward. But somehow, as he sits alone at the table with his gold card in hand, the fact that his date tries to avoid the awkwardness by pretending the bill doesn't exist puts a sour taste in his mouth.

“It's just silly,” David says. “These games that we play. I want to start off the relationship being real to each other.”

So how can we take the awkwardness out of that moment when the check hits the table? Some clear rules would help.

Once upon a time, this was a no brainer. In the “olden days,” girls were expected to be passive, future homemakers, while guys played the role of assertive breadwinners. That also meant the guys were the ones expected to open their wallets on a date — each time, every time, no question.

Today, thank goodness, women often compete with men for the same (or at least almost the same) top jobs and top salaries — a change that has (or has not, as David would attest) altered the dynamics of dating. Or, at the very least, it has made the rules a lot more murky. So what to do?
 
For Sarah Katherine Lewis, a fellow writer at DailySexScoop, the answer is simple: Whoever does the asking out should do the paying.  “It's only courteous to treat your date like your guest,” she says. “Would you charge a guest for a meal in your own home? By extension, if you invite someone to have a meal with you in a restaurant, that person is your guest and you should pay — especially if you're trying to get in his or her pants.”

Nikki Daly, another DailySexScoop writer concurs. And she puts her money where her mouth is. “I’m often the person to do the asking,” she says. “As you may have guessed, I’m not that shy.”

She may not be timid, but Nikki does admit that a bit of the Southern Belle lurks within. “When I lived up North, it was common for my dates to say something like: ‘How about I get this one and you get the next one.’ I understood why they did this, but it just struck me as so rude — such a turnoff.”

Sometimes it might be best just to avoid the restaurant altogether. As a writer (and thus someone who doesn't have a gold card), Nikki will sometimes invite a date over for a home-cooked meal. That saves her some money while eliminating the awkwardness of that moment when the bill arrives.

And, of course, there is one obvious advantage to this strategy. “If all goes well,” says Nikki, “the bedroom is right there.”