dailysexscoop.com

Male, female, smart, not so smart, attractive, unattractive, sexy, undesirable. Individuals begin to describe themselves in these terms as early as the first grade. These self-perceptions generally follow us into adulthood.

For the most part, the media portrays the disabled as unattractive, non-sexual people. With such a stereotype, it’s hardly surprising that people without disabilities have misperceptions about the disabled. What’s surprising is how the disabled, themselves, must be convinced of their own sexuality.

Attitude is everything. People who grow up with disabilities learn early that others think they are not sexy. After all, fashion models and film stars rarely, if ever, have disabilities. Heather Mills of Dancing with the Stars, whois missing a leg, and Oscar-winning actress Marlee Matlin, who is deaf, are two notable exceptions. 

Acquiring a disability later in life is a different experience. People, who may have thought of themselves as sexy and desirable often start to recast their perceptions of their sexuality in light of their disability.

David Bucks found himself in that position 15 years ago while extreme skiing in California. An avalanche threw him from a 200-foot cliff and broke his back. At 33, Bucks was completely paralyzed below the chest and feared he’d never have sex again.

Some time after his injury, Bucks started dating his nurse and they discovered FertiCare, a medical vibrator so intense it requires a doctor’s prescription. After the first half hour of using the device, Bucks ejaculated several times. Two months later his girlfriend was pregnant. Bucks began importing the vibrator and found an eager market. A similar device for women is in the works.

Likewise, with the public discourse on erectile dysfunction, hundreds of thousands with spinal cord injuries are benefiting from a variety of treatments from the penile implant first introduced 20 years ago to Viagra and furniture specially designed for sex.

The Dutch company Chique Erotique markets the Dream Love Chair, an elaborate apparatus with two adjustable and opposing seats. The Eros Clitoral Therapy Device, which creates a vacuum over the clitoris to stimulate blood flow in women with sexual dysfunction, also requires a prescription. Similar devices are readily available in shops and online.

If you’re looking for ideas, the Internet is the place to go. There are dozens of websites, including Mypleasure.com, which offers columns, reviews and products designed for people with disabilities. 

Come As You Are, a store and website in Toronto, has so many paraplegic clients that it employs a full-time sex educator, Cory Silverberg, author of The Ultimate Guide to Sex and Disability. He helps clients select sex toys. 

Namel Norris turned to websites for help with sex after he was shot in the neck at age 17. “I read about different positions, ways to last longer and how to get orgasms,” the 26-year-old said. “It makes things easier knowing other people are going through it.”

For other paraplegics such as April Coughlin, 27, incontinence during sex is a concern. Although Coughlin takes medication to control her bladder and bowels, accidents happen. If a partner can’t handle it, he’s not for her.

A more serious problem is hyperreflexia – painful spasms caused by the brain’s inability to transmit messages properly. Excruciating headaches, sweaty palms and lightheadedness occur when the body interprets stimulation or even a full bladder as pain. After the stimulus is removed, the symptoms dissipate. Meanwhile, the condition can cause dangerously high blood pressure.

The bottom line? It is OK to identify and enjoy what makes you feel good – with or without a partner. All people are sexual, regardless of whether they are disabled or able-bodied, and each individual must decide for himself or herself what works best.

The website, Militant Cripples Anonymous, does what it can to dispel any number of myths that surround the disabled and sexuality. It posted this one recently: people in wheelchairs can't have sex. The response posted was swift and sure: “You couldn't be more wrong, buddy!  We can still bump uglies with the rest of 'em. We just can't do it standing up.”